I'm feeling crazy these days!
I don't know why but lately I have been in a weird state of mind, All in one day i can feel up beat and happy ,mad as the devil and sad and defeated the next. Just to give an example, I was at work yesterday feeling good, you know on top of the world. I was back on the Ambulance after a long stay on a fire truck. I had a great partner for the shift, a really nice guy who is a rookie. He's very nice and very excited about riding the Ambulance. I love to train rookies. They are not yet set in there ways and have not been corrupted by bad influences.
Well we had a easy day not a lot of calls. This Yong man asked me if he could ride with me for the next three shifts. I did not see a problem with this and told hem I would talk to the Captain about it. HOLLY CRAP!!!! You would think I asked some one to cut off there arm, I was met with hostility, anger, and disdain. I don't know why, you see most of the fire fighters don't like to ride the Ambulance because they have to WORK and THINK for a change. So you would think if someone volunteers to take a few extra shifts people would be glad and supportive. Oh No Not In My Department!!! The Captain says to me well he don't know the fire truck that well yet. he needs to ride the fire truck too. I don't know why but I erupted and flew into a rage. My face was hot,my hair standing on end and felt as if I would explode at any minute. I told hem the guy has already taken his pump test and past with flying colors. I then said any body can run into a burning building and shoot water on a fire it's just not that hard. How ever to save some ones life it takes skill and confidence and for that you need experience.
I then went on to tell them it's crazy that I have a different partner every shift. There is no way to get comfortable or confident in your partners skills if you don't ride together for some time. It puts a ENORMOUS BURDEN on the Paramedic. You have to think and check everything and can depend only on yourself to be sure that thing are done right. This is why we are so burn out .
GOD I WISH JUST ONCE SOME ONE WOULD LESSON TO THE PARAMEDIC!!!!
acourse everyone in the room looked at me like I was some kind of nut or something. They say things like calm down and we can talk about it when your are more rational. I got some rational for them. I would like to just "KICK THERE DUMB ASSES". Oh yea I'm really mad about this. Something has to change I'm just not sure how to do it.
Then I go to the back room were my bunk is and there sets my best friend at work and I tell her all about it. She just let me go on about how mad I am. She agrees with me and now come another mood change. We are watching a reality show about these people who think they are being judge on outer beauty when they are really being judged on their inner beauty. Now I'm very happy and giggling, almost over the top. Then I lay down to get some rest but I can't shut down everything is racing through my head and i feel like I cold explode.
My sister says I'm getting menopausal. I don't know but I need off this roller coaster ride.
I mean I don't ever know if I'm going to take things in stirde or just blow up any more. I think I need a vacation. Sandy beach and a piniacolta in my hand. Dam my vacation is not until May.
Oh well mabe I can just go check in to the nut house. I'm sure I'll fit in just fine!!!!!